Last Summer--It's a year now.

My mother passed away on May seventh. I loved her deeply; now she's simply gone. all ,y life, I'd known that I was loved because of her. Her death is a year ago, but feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once. Vivid memories of her still come naturally each day. Yes, I do remember. Sometimes, I wish I could forget certain times and certain things. However, those times and things are parts of my life, and I can't just shut them out, anymore than I can stop breathing and decide never to breathe again. So I remember. The good things, of course , are thing I really want to remember. The bad things are the ones that I wish I could forget. But I know that those are actually the ones that made me strong. So I remember.

what would I do in times that I miss you?

where would I go in times when I long to see you again?

How must I spend the nights without you?

How do I bear each morning that you're not there?

shall I ever smile again?

Will I ever laught again?

Will I ever face the world again knowing that I'm not alone?

why must i cry these tears when you're not here to wipe them all away?

why must i suffer the empty days without you?

why must I dream without you by my side?

I will never be the same again; I will never be the same mom, without you.

I felt depressed (X), sad (X), lonely (X)...Yes, HOPELESS.

i grieved and cried.
i groped and stumbled in the dark.
I wept.
I desired with all my heart.
i let go of all of me that you took away with you.
i kept all of you that is in me, and will always remain in me wherever i may go.
i wait and pray and hope.
i will lookf roward to each brand new day, thankful for all that I've had and believing that life will go on.

You have always looked after me and taught me right from wrong, and when I'm down or worried. You're not just Mom but a friend of mine. A friend I can't replace. I would trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday, i'd plan out everything i'd do and know just whaat to say. If i could take back time and pause yesterday, i wouldn't have let it end that way. I prayed and cried for you to live, but now I'm in front of the casket with a speech to give.

i worked hard for this post so listen closely to hear what I say:

you were a good Mom, you were always there for me. I know this line is over used ; not more than a cliche, and may sound stupid now, to use it for you. And now, your watching over me. When they lifted your csket in the grave, i held back my tears and tried to be brave. If i could take back time and pause yesterday, i wouldn't have let it end that way. I would trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday, I'd plan out everything I'd do and know just what to say...not just a simple "i love you." I don't care how redundant I am.

I thanks you for allowing me to see these times; because if it wasn't for you dear mother, I ould never write down these lines.

-S.Reyes